The Undiluted Something

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM WITH COFFEE
Today being the opening day of the sequel to the Ben Stiller movie about a security guard's first night in a museum, "Night At The Museum", which was the second biggest movie of 2006 I believe, I would like to describe something interesting in relation to it.

"Night At The Museum" is based on a story that was written in the 90s. During the following decade it was one among many screenplays kicking around Hollywood without a producer, director, star, etc.

Then I sent my sketch comedy idea about a security guard's first night in a museum, "The Museum Of Excellent Coffee", to two people: a longtime friend of Steven Spielberg (Sean Daniel, the first person from whom I learned of CalArts, the college I attended); and the person who co-runs film production company Red Hour Films with Ben Stiller, Stuart Cornfeld (whom I half-knew during the '70s). Within one month's time, Ben Stiller had signed on to play the security guard character in "Night At The Museum", and Stephen Sommers left the Spielberg production of "When Worlds Collide to direct "Night At The Museum". This resulted in Spielberg becoming the replacement director on "When Worlds Collide" in order to fill the void left by Sommers. Sommers then relieved Spielberg of directorial duties by returning to "When Worlds Collide", and Shawn Levy became director of "Night At The Museum".

IS IT REALLY THAT TIME?
For those of you who have yet to go to the web posting of my sketch comedy idea, "Timeout" at archive.org, which I referred to in my March 22nd blog, I have concluded that the opening of the May 14th season finale of the TV show, "The Office" resulted from it. [idnctsbottaositd] (For a definition of those strange red letters, you will have to go back to my May 10th blog.) Not just the opening, but later when Michael's character uses advance knowledge of something important to others in his company picnic sketch. I know the concept of a person moving back someone's clocks to manipulate a situation is far from new. Yet I also know that "The Office" will occasionally do something apropos of my doing something, which I attribute to the involvement of Film Producer Stuart Cornfeld (someone to whom I refer periodically) with the actors on that show. One thing I do not understand is that, although the recorded time of posting on archive.org is unalterable, their counter of how many times something posted is opened fails to accurately reflect every time something is opened - I have put this to the test.

TIMEOUT
A sketch comedy idea by
Jonathan D. Steinhoff, ©3.22.09

Two couples are sitting around a dinner table at the end of a meal, Steve and Mary, and Carol and Barney. Carol comes in from the kitchen carrying a coffee pot in one hand and a tray with pie in the other.

STEVEN:
My goodness, Barney, you’ve got one talented wife there!

BARNEY:
Oh, you mean the way she’s carrying all them things without dropping ’em? That’s nothing.

MARY:
See that, Carol? You’re making me look bad! Ha-ha-ha!

STEVEN:
Mary drops everything. I’m surprised she didn’t spill her wineglass yet! Ha-ha!

MARY:
You’d be in a lot of trouble for that remark, mister - if not for the fact that it’s true! Ha-ha-ha!

STEVEN:
Ha-ha-ha!

BARNEY:
Yeah, well, there’s something else Carol can do, too.

STEVEN:
I think I know where you’re going with this, Barney, and thank goodness, that’s one thing Mary’s not too bad at either.

MARY:
Thank you, Steve.

STEVEN:
You deserve it, Mary.

BARNEY:
No, I wasn’t - I’m talking about something else. Carol? Carol, isn’t it time we told Steve and Mary?

CAROL:
Oh my God, here we go again.

BARNEY:
Carol doesn’t like talking about it. But let me tell you, she is absolutely amazing.

CAROL:
I give up. Nothing I say sinks into that thick, stupid skull of yours.

STEVEN:
Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute! Now let’s just, what’s all this about?

BARNEY:
I’ll tell you: Carol can travel back and forth in time!

STEVEN:
No!

MARY:
You can?

CAROL:
I cannot. But Barney here seems to think so. No matter how many times I tell him….

STEVEN:
Barney, what about it?

BARNEY:
Carol, you know you can. Carol actually proved it to me, she even admitted it. Now she says, “uh-uh, no I can’t.”

CAROL:
Alright (heaves a heavy sigh), I’ll tell you what happened.

MARY:
This is so exciting!

STEVEN:
I love this!

CAROL:
Barney was drinking beer and watching football. So he falls asleep in front of the television. So I say to myself, “I know how to play a good trick on Barney for drinking beer and falling asleep in front of the TV while watching football.” So I watched the rest of the football game, but first I put on the VCR and recorded it. I turned the clocks in the house back an hour. So he wakes up, doesn’t even realize he fell asleep, and I’m sitting there telling him everything that’s gonna happen in the football game before it happens! ‘Cause we’re watching the tape of it on the VCR! So Barney says to me, “How’d you do that?” So I turn all serious, you know, I pretend I’m making this big confession, and I say to him, “I did it by traveling back in time!” He passed out a minute later or I woulda said I was from Mars too.

BARNEY:
You know I never passed out. She just doesn’t want anyone to know the truth, d’ya, honey?

CAROL:
And no matter what I say, or how many times I say it, he just won’t believe me. He’s positive I can travel back in time. Keeps telling me I should go back in time and prevent the Lincoln assassination.

MARY:
You can travel back in time?

CAROL:
Mary, weren’t you listening to what I just said?

STEVEN:
Barney, maybe she was just playing a trick on you.

BARNEY:
Look, the pretzel bowl! It was just empty and now it’s full! Carol must have gone back in time and filled it up!

STEVEN:
This is incredible!

CAROL:
Oh, you! I filled it up, yes, without going back in time. Doesn’t anybody remember? While Steve and Mary were talking about how long the line was at the liquor store? Nobody remembers? (Steve, Barney and Mary look fixedly at Carol. There is a tense silence)

MARY:
Well it was a pretty long line.

STEVEN:
I’ll say. It’s like everybody suddenly decided to, to get drunk all at the same time! I’ve never seen the liquor store do so much business.

BARNEY:
Maybe there’s some big holiday coming. Does anybody know if there’s a big holiday coming?

CAROL:
It’s not gonna be the 4th of July for a while.

MARY:
Carol, this pie is absolutely delicious! Did you caramelize the walnuts or….

CAROL:
I’ll tell you my secret recipe, but then I’ll have to shoot you!

(All laugh, and continue discussing anything.)

THE END