Parallels In Parking

Weekly MONK/STEINHOFF VIDEOCLIP, 11.20.09
As I mentioned in my previous blog, I went on Thanksgiving vacation (actually I just returned), thus the reason behind my "tardiness" in presenting this November 20th Monk/Steinhoff weekly videoclip. It looks like this will be my second-to-last Monk/Steinhoff videoclip, as after November 27th's Part 1 episode of "Monk", there remains only Part 2, after which "Monk" will be no more. Perhaps Tony Shaloub will go on to new roles that won't be overshadowed by his "Monk" character, although it is hard to imagine. Perhaps it would work if he were to take the entire "Monk" cast with him on his next project?




Tempered Enthusiasm
Unless Matthew Perry was subtly telegraphing to me in advance something of a significant nature contained in the "Seinfeld Reunion"/"Curb Your Enthusiasm" season finale on November 22nd (see my "Curb" finale suggestion in my October 25th blog), I am totally huge in relation to creative decisions that went into this historic episode. When I suggested tinted car windows, my specific intention was to provide a way to touch on the idea of privacy at the strata inhabited by Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Matthew Perry, Paul Newman, etc. I believe I have succeeded: David's statement appears to be that certain approaches to privacy can inflict feelings known to all.

I now intend to redirect my focus to automobile glove compartments. I believe that if things keep going the way they seem to be in the world, the entire human race will, sadly, be able to fit into one glove compartment, with room to spare. This metaphoric approach may serve to help us all wrap our minds around the unthinkable (as metaphors often do), a grim necessity if we are to apply ourselves to the task of saving the planet. I have no problem with power windows or rear view mirrors.




Thick As A Rock
I plan to provide a videoclip regarding Joseph Gordon-Leavit and his recent "Fallon" and "Saturday Night Live" appearances, as I found these shows to contain inside-references to a particular music video of mine. Unfortunately, the opposite of Thanksgiving vacation is calling me at the moment, i.e., can't right now. I believe there to be a "Smallville" tie-in with this as well.


If These Cars Could Talk
On my way to work on Thursday, November 19th, I thought I saw Katie Holmes driving alongside me. This is particularly interesting for several reasons:

• I may be responsible for the fact that Katie Holmes first met Tom Cruise

• I saw a magazine cover a few days ago that stated she and Tom had public differences, causing her to walk out on him

• Stuart Cornfeld, to whom I occasionally refer in my blogs, runs a film production company (Red Hour) with Ben Stiller, which is making a movie with Tom Cruise ("The Hardy Men")

• I am currently working on my Spielberg "project" (as referred to in my October 30th blog), and Tom Cruise starred in two Spielberg movies regarding which I was an influence ("War of the Worlds" and "Minority Report")

A Fish Called Goofy

In my previous blog of November 18th, entitled, "Tortured By The Truth (or The Goofy Misconduct of Senator McCain)", I was primarily presenting an open letter to Jon Stewart. Therefore, my experience led me to sorta kinda expect that some form of acknowledgment might be discernible the following night. This acknowledgment could in fact be found the following night, when Stephen Colbert (Colbert's show being the "companion show" to Stewart's) appeared on Letterman:


As I have been something of an influence on Stewart's show, so have I been something of an influence on Colbert's. My 12.2.08 blog describes my very significant influence on his Christmas Special with Elvis Costello; my 1.30.09 blog contains a videoclip detailing my influence regarding Colbert's interview of Paul McCartney; my "Mall Man, The Trailer" video, posted on YouTube August 2006, was the inspiration behind that painting he had of three Stephen Colberts, one behind the other (it started two months later, with two Colberts in October 2006, which became three in October 2007).

So why not take this opportunity to post here my submission when Colbert had his green screen contest in August 2006:



As another footnote to a footnote to a footnote to a footnote (give or take a footnote) regarding McCain and Palin (see my previous blog of 11.18.09), I consider of relevance the fact that I was a significant influence on the Michael Palin movie, "A Fish Called Wanda," including the origin of the title. No time to explain now, must start my Thanksgiving vacation immediately, gotta run, Happy Thanksgiving!


Sit Back And Be Counted
For those who want their viewing of it to be counted, I have posted on YouTube the Weekly Monk/Steinhoff Videoclip, 11.13.09 (the same one that appears in my 11.15.09 blog), under the name, "Monk's Advanced Juggling Technique".

Tortured By The Truth (or The Goofy Misconduct Of Senator McCain)

Addendum To The Bowery Boys Idea
I left something of a key nature out of my blog of November 8, 2009, wherein I assert that a certain recurring "Saturday Night Live" (SNL to some of you) sketch with Kenan Thompson, showing him lecturing three teenagers on the legal consequences of juvenile delinquency, originated with “The Bowery Boys Sue For Defamation Of Character” (my SNL sketch idea of earlier in that same week that their sketch first appeared).

In my email of May 5, 2008 (wherein I suggested the Bowery Boys sketch idea), I wrote the following in the preceding paragraph, to introduce the idea:

“My idea for an SNL sketch: A new movie, 'The Bowery Boys Sue For Defamation Of Character' (an oblique addressing of the misperception that one’s role in a gang must set one’s course for life).”

You may have no particular reason to believe that this paragraph was there, or not, though Sean Daniel and Stuart Cornfeld, to whom the email was addressed, do know better.


An Open Letter To Jon Stewart
When a person, in piecing together separate events to arrive at an obvious conclusion, finds that those things being pieced together, when seen individually, each seem highly out of the ordinary/unlikely, the obvious conclusion that results is only obvious to those who already know he is telling the truth, that the individual events did in fact occur as described. Otherwise, the obvious conclusion is no less far-fetched sounding than the individual events that led to the conclusion. I must therefore beg the indulgence of those who presume that they should already be personally familiar with the truth of what I describe in order for me to proceed with my description, and its obvious conclusion. For I am compelled by circumstances to address myself not to them, at this time, but to Jon Stewart.

An Open Letter To Jon Stewart

1. As you know, over the years there have been a number of ideas sent by me to Sean Daniel and Stuart Cornfeld, and that there have been a number of times when parts of those ideas somehow found their way several days later onto your show. In the instance of my May 5, 2008 “Bowery Boys” idea, reprinted in my 11.8.09 blog, there also being an addendum to this reprint at the beginning of this blog, it was something of an influence on John McCain when he appeared on your show two days later, on May 7, 2008. McCain began his appearance as a guest on your show by saying that you had to treat him with respect now, as he was the Republican presidential candidate. This is an important aspect of my “Bowery Boys” sketch idea, that a person who is regularly the target of a particular other person’s derisive remarks suddenly requires that the other person be respectful. Later in his appearance, McCain said that he believed the secret code name the Secret Service had for him was “jerk”. This is the very word used for the punchline of this same “Bowery Boys” sketch idea: when Slip Mahoney emerges victorious in the courtroom battle over who owed the least reparations for making derisive remarks, in his delight Slip calls them all “jerks”, making his victory short-lived.

2. In a brief email I sent to the same two, Daniel and Cornfeld, on August 15, 2008 (Daniel’s birthday), I announced my upcoming wolfman video, and characterized it as “Python-esque”. This video (“The WolfMan Who Turned Back Normal Whenever Someone Screamed”) was posted on YouTube on August 25, 2008, which is a matter of record. As you know, and as others know, “Python-esque” is not a reference to pythons. And as anyone who sees the video knows, it is unmistakable why I would characterize it as “Python-esque”, which should certainly lend plausibility to my assertion that I used that word ahead of time, even for those who did not themselves read/witness the email where this characterization occurred.

3. “Python-esque” is a reference to the comedy of Eric Idle, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Michael Palin, Terry Jones, and some other guy (I don’t feel like looking it up right now), who were collectively known as "Monty Python’s Flying Circus”.

4. Before John McCain’s August 29, 2008 announcement of Sarah Palin as his vice presidential running mate, if you were on "Jeopardy" and the answer was Palin, you would only win a refrigerator if you said, “What is the last name of a member of ‘Monty Python’s Flying Circus?’” There would have been no other way to win the refrigerator. Period. If you wanted to lose, you would have answered Sarah Palin in the form of a question. If you wanted to win you would have said Michael Palin in the form of a question. It was that simple before August 29, 2008.

5. My doing a wolfman video was big doings. Sean Daniel is the producer of the (still) upcoming movie, “Wolf Man”, and I am an influence on Daniel, and my influence on Daniel is what led DIRECTLY to my being a HUGE influence on his friend Steven Spielberg. Ipso-facto, my doing a wolfman video was big doings of the Spielberg-esque big doings variety.

6. As you must know, I am no stranger to being an influence on presidents and others of significant status in the political world. This is perhaps the natural consequence of my being a big influence on Spielberg, McCartney, etc., etc. "Starting Up A Brand New Day" by Sting, the performance of which with Stevie Wonder was the highlight of the Presidential Inaugural Ball, began with my "Building Up A Brand New River Of Love" (on my 1999 copyrighted music CD, "Still Around"), which I gave to Joni Mitchell's art director (a star of my "Gosk" video), which likely explains what happened - James Taylor (major Mitchell friend) appears on that Sting album. Sometimes I am a somewhat significant influence on things in politics.

7. An example of my influence on political folk would not be my influence on the opening of the 11.14.09 SNL (see my previous blog), as that was only a representation of Vice President Biden, it was not actually Vice President Biden (you probably knew that, you've met Biden). One random example might be something that occurred when Sarah Palin was a guest on SNL. There are countless examples, sometimes very high profile political stuff.

8. Let’s keep secret McCain’s plugging into my Michael Palin remark (aka my “Python-esque” remark) several days following it. He probably saw himself plugging into the top secret Steinhoff influence on Spielberg or something, the nut. I'm quite sure he wouldn’t have "played the game" with his Palin move had Sarah Palin been a waitress in the Bronx. There were other criteria involved in his "decision" (though suspiciously little vetting). Yet just the same, if you’d seen all that I have seen, though you have seen some of what I have seen that others have not, but if you had seen all that I have seen, well, perhaps what is obvious to me would be less absurd-sounding to you, which is hopefully less absurd-sounding than it would be to those who do not know what you know, which is less than what I know, but more than what they know. However, let’s keep it secret, as I am concerned that the most this “backstory” to the terrifying saga of Sarah Palin (aka “Could The Fate Of The World Ever Fall Into The Hands Of Someone Who Would Lead It Straight Off A Cliff Without Even Stopping To Get A Manicure”) could ever accomplish would be to improve Palin's (we all know which Palin I mean) chances of becoming a folk hero, possibly even endearing her to those of importance who should know better, simply because her rise was tied by McCain to a genuine (secret) folk hero: me. Don't we all love being in on something.

The Skipper Too

Breaking Up A Telephone Book With A Karate Chop Is Hard To Do
Another one of the specially contextualized sitings of a former cast member of the TV show, "Friends". As mentioned in my blogs of October 25th and November 8th, a shorthand that has developed (was set up) has led to specific interpretations of my sitings of Jennifer Aniston and possibly Courteney Cox Arquette. Consistent with this, on Thursday, Nov. 12th, I almost definitely (no, make that, without any doubt whatsoever unless someone is using look-alikes in expensive cars) saw David Schwimmer (wearing sunglasses) on my way to work in more or less the same spot as where his fellow former cast members were spotted. As prescribed by the shorthand, I looked for the Ross Geller/David Schwimmer reference on that night's episode of "The Office". It was easy to spot: Rainn Wilson's Dwight character was seen ridiculously injuring himself while trying to demonstrate the importance of Martial Arts self-defense proficiency. Among those who have been seen doing likewise in another TV show: David Schwimmer's Ross Geller character on "Friends". I could rest my case here, if not for the fact that all of my witnesses, i.e., those who might also have seen David Schwimmer driving by me, are very difficult to locate. Naturally I wrote down all of their license plate numbers, and anticipate being able to present follow-up on this within the next thirty years. However, verifying how this is contextualized by the above-referenced shorthand may require a little more time.


Weekly MONK/STEINHOFF VIDEOCLIP, 11.13.09
This videoclip pretty much speaks for itself. I thought of including a few other things in this videoclip, such as the voice scrambler used on the phones that occurred on both the referenced "Monk" and "Smallville" episodes. I also thought of including something from the "Medium" episode that aired the same night as the referenced "Monk" and "Smallville" episodes, as they featured an idea that is important in the videoclip: the idea of a piece of ground made special (a man was secretly buried alive in cement - his teenage son somehow knows this, and often sits outside a store built on that spot). Who knows, perhaps if these two items had worked on their Musical Chairs skills....




It's All Good
On the Nov. 14th "Saturday Night Live" (a TV show that for years and years has regularly found ways to incorporate things from me from the week leading up to the show), in the opening of the show, they had Vice President Biden stating in an address to the nation (regarding Afghanistan):

"You know what they're good at, growing drugs."

On Nov. 12th, 2:44pm, my comment to a Huffington Post article (as JonathanDS2U):

"This has incentivised many to interfere with progress, and sometimes they're really good at it."

And so we find the same idea, being good at something bad, expressed two days apart, the second usage coming from those with a very long history of referring to ideas that come from the same person responsible for the first usage.

Written In Stone (And Why The Book Was Better)

Permanent Photograph Of Something Written In Evaporating Ink Before It Evaporated
The big news is that I have begun posting accumulations of the text of these blogs at Archive.Org, for the purpose of giving them an unalterable timestamp (i.e., copyright), unlike the malleable timestamp given by this blogsite, "Blogspot" (aka blogger.com). That means no videos, photos, etc., only the text is being posted at Archive.Org.

Due to the fact that I won't be doing this after each blog posting, but periodically, all of my blogs will receive this timestamping, but the timestamping will only prove the general timeframe: if this blog I'm writing now gets posted as part of a volume at Archive.Org on December 31, 2009, it will only prove that it was written no later than December 31st, not that it was written today. On the other hand, those who read this blog today will know with certainty that it was written today, and so a week from today they will know I never reedited it. The one posted volume (Volume 1), containing everything I've blogged thus far going back to August 2008, is considerably larger than the volumes that will follow - it will not be another year and 3 months before the next volume is posted at Archive.Org.

Big Bangs Theory Disproven
I have been growing hair for as long as I can remember, though the length of my hair does not actually evidence this (my hair gets cut from time to time). For this and other reasons, I can only reproach myself for a terrible error made in my blog of October 25th. I shudder to think of the damage my mistake will surely do to my credibility and all that relies upon my credibility. I erroneously referred to a certain configuration of Jennif Aniston's hair as "bangs". I honestly thought it was called bangs. It appears I did not know the meaning of the word, "bangs".

Those who have been paying closer attention to the process of growing hair, which is in so many ways connected to the process of cutting hair, will find it impossible to believe that I spoke out of ignorance, and instead presume there to be a more fundamental misinformation involved. I can already hear them: "Oh, you knew what bangs were, and you tried to claim Jennif Aniston had bangs, but now we see, she has no bangs, and therefore your claim to have seen her, and all that you say was connected with your having seen her, reveals an attempt to perpetrate a hoax. Therefore you are not secretly important in relation to Spielberg and McCartney, as you also claim, therefore you are not secretly important to Western "culture", therefore there were no terrorists who chose your doorstep to leave their terrorist clues, therefore no serious investigation is warranted, the world is not at stake in choosing against performing such an investigation." It sounds silly, but I fear that the world may yet suffer for my being mistaken in what I thought bangs are.

I will attempt the now Herculean (if not Atlasean) task of setting the record straight. I thought bangs were when the hair of a girl or woman is cut so that it curls up on each side of the face and comes to a point. This picture here of Victoria Beckham isn't quite it, but may help illustrate my point. Okay, now: imagine the ends curling up.

I was asking a woman where I work what bangs are, suddenly suspecting that I may have gotten it wrong, and in the process of my description someone else actually came up and said, "Do you mean that thing Jennifer Aniston sort of does?"
He may have been a follower of my blogs, and so may have known what to say. As perhaps may also have been true of the next person who entered the conversation - a woman where I work who goes to movie openings and the Oscars because her brother's limo service has many top celeb customers, thus generating an "in" for her over the years. She actually described to me how Jennif often goes to openings wearing a short hair wig, where the hair on the sides, well, she basically described exactly what I saw when I saw Jennif drive by me. Which I described on October 25th in my blog only because of a specific matter, and not out of a desire to record celeb sitings. The photo of Jennif shown here, incidentally, was published on the Internet with regard to a very recent event (in the uncropped version of the photo she is next to Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, Demi being Bruce Willis' ex-wife. We (myself and the woman at work) then had a brief discussion about David Arquette, husband of Courteney Cox Arquette, Jennif's BFF. Today on my way to work I may have seen (you guessed it) David Arquette (though his face seemed too large). I only mention this in the context of this Jennif stuff, which is in the context of - oh, go ahead, put everything in whatever context you please, don't mind me. No wait, stop, I didn't mean it!

The Price Of Freedom, And The Free Of Pricedom

Once again, more stuff little and great, all worth reporting to someone or another!

In addition to my Weekly Monk/Steinhoff Videoclip, this time I made an additional, separate videoclip that involves this week's "Monk" episode, as it also involves not only an episode of "Medium" that aired the same night (a TV show that has begun regularly interconnecting with the Monk/Steinhoff Videoclip - see the last few Monk/Steinhoff Videoclip installments), but pertains primarily to one of my potential terrorist clues (described in my March 13, 2009 blog) as well, and only threads through me/my material in that connection.

You will also find stuff in this blog edition not connected to "Monk" - so in other words, a little bit of everything!

Weekly MONK/STEINHOFF VIDEOCLIP, 11.6.09
This time around I'm back to being able to provide in my weekly Monk/Steinhoff videoclip things verifiable, in terms of referencing things I unalterably timestamp-posted a while back, "Gosk Part 1" and "Gosk Part 2" . As always, appreciating this Monk/Steinhoff Videoclip's significance requires seeing it in the context of (just about) every episode of "Monk" ever made containing things that connect to me/my material (most of which is similarly verifiable through unalterable timestamp postings). This context generates a perspective based on the necessary cumulative information.



Potential Terrorist Clues Left On The Doorstep Of Someone Secretly Super-Important In Relation To Steven Spielberg And Paul McCartney Corner
As you can see, I've come up with the perfect title for this section of my blog, sort of like, "Johnny's Corner", only with more words. I will use this section title in the future on those occasions when I choose to include something on this subject in my blog. For those particularly slow to figure things out, I am the "Someone" referred to in the section title.



My Potentially Imaginary "Friends"
On my way to work on Thursday, November 5th, in the same approximate spot as where I believe I spotted Jennifer Aniston several weeks ago, which I describe in my October 25, 2009 blog as something to be seen in a very specified context, I believe I may have spotted her BFF Courteney Cox Arquette (wearing sunglasses). I therefore looked to see if this related to that night's "Office" episode (as the previously described specified context implied it might), and sure enough, though not indicated ahead of time in any blurb on that episode that I saw, the episode had Michael backing out of his relationship with Pam's mother once he learns she is 58 years old. This can clearly be seen as a twist on the premise of Courteney's TV show, "Couger Town". Additionally, on Friday, November 6th, I thought I may have again seen Matthew Perry, this time in a sports car with the top down. If so, this relates to something I wrote regarding the last time I saw Matthew Perry (again, my 10.25.09 blog), which I also relate to as something that occurred in a specified context. At that time I wrote of my "Curb Your Enthusiasm" suggestion in which Larry David keeps running into "Friends" cast members individually by chance, while planning the "Seinfeld" reunion show. I have Perry complaining to David that he is battling his girlfriend to tint the windows of his sports car. This contrasts with the possible subsequent Perry siting in which his sports car has the top down (I never looked too directly at the possible Matthew Perry person, though I'm quite sure that whoever it was, unlike the possible Courteney Cox Arquette person, he was without sunglasses).

Take Out Some Insurance On Me, Baby (Sung To The Tune Of "Take Out Some Insurance On Me, Baby")
On Thursday, November 5th I commented on a HuffingtonPost article (as JonathanDS2U), with the suggestion that Wellpoint Insurance be dealt with harshly for Senator Bayh initially threatening to join Lieberman's pro-fillibuster against healthcare stance. Bayh's wife is on Wellpoint's board, and I expressed my belief that Bayh only backed down because the obvious corruptness of the reason behind his taking this stance would ultimately cause it to backfire. On Friday, November 6th there was a big trailer in front of my apartment house, suggesting they were shooting a film. I asked someone there, and was informed they had been making a commercial for Hartford Insurance.

Bunch Of Knuckleheads
Back during the three-year period when I would every week email a sketch idea for SNL to people I once knew (Sean Daniel and Stuart Cornfeld), because every week little fragments (sometimes big fragments) from my idea would wind up on that week's show without fail, I perceived that the very first "Scared Straight" sketch originated from the idea I had sent in that week. I am referring to the SNL sketches where an inmate (Kenan Thompson) is brought in to a room where several delinquent teenagers are being detained after having been caught for some misdeed, so that he can lecture to them on the consequences of delinquent behavior, by painting a picture of prison life. I now present to you my Bowery Boys sketch comedy idea, emailed by me on May 5, 2008, several days before the first "Scared Straight" sketch occurred (I know the "Scared Straight" delinquent characters are technically not the Bowery Boys - however, if you recall, I did say fragments of my ideas):

The Bowery Boys are a few years older, and are they ever angry. They’re in court, suing and counter-suing each other for defamation of character owing to things said back when they were a gang. So Slip dared to call Zatch a knucklehead? So Zatch dared to imply Whitey had a screw loose? Zatch may have expressed it in pantomime, using sign language when Whitey wasn’t looking to indicate Whitey was crazy, “but yer honor, ain’t it the same ting?” “Oh yeah, you lousy, why I oughta-“ “You hear dat, yer honor, he’s doing it again!” “I did not, I said ‘you lousy’, but I didn’t finish the sentence. I coulda, but I am too refined.” “Yeah, too refined.” “Did you hear that, your honor? He was sarcastic about the idea of me being refined. I’ve never been so insulted.” In the end, the judge decrees that each owes money to the others, but when totalled up, all break even except Slip, who comes out three dollars ahead. He calls them all jerks in his delight, and so is made to give up the three dollars as a result.

The November 7, 2009 SNL included another installment of "Scared Straight", complete with Kenan Thompson being caught at reciting movie plots that he tries to pass off as actual things he's personally encountered. This tends to remind me of an experience I had wherein, once the movie "The Front" came out, I could no longer tell one of my (up until then) oft-repeated stories.

Way back when, my mother was in the Communist Party with Zero Mostel before he was famous (when he was Sammy Mostel). My mother described to me how she had signed up with the Communist Party under the phony last name of "Brown", as everyone used phony names, for the Communist Party tended to never let people quit. In the movie, "The Front", Zero Mostel, playing a character named Hecky Brown, protects at all costs the name of the woman he was once in the Communist Party with, and eventually kills himself when he is destroyed for this. Mostel was in fact blacklisted as a Communist, and once when it was arranged that my family could meet him after attending a performance of "Fiddler On The Roof", Mostel said, "Ah, Rose ___ (her maiden name). My mother's friend, Phil Gordis (a star of my Dostoyevsky video), also corroborated their all being in the Communist Party together, back in the days when such a choice actually reflected a certain idealistic take on the concept of communism with a small "c" rather than a disposition toward Stalinism (interestingly, Phil also described knowing the person who introduced Trotsky to the person who used this access to assassinate Trotsky). Josh Mostel, Zero's son, once denied to me that his father was a Communist, and said I should have my mother contact him if she insisted this was the case.

My big point here is that, once they made the movie, "The Front", it seemed that for me to repeat this story of mine was to appear to be reciting something connected to a movie plot. Similarly, the November 6th "Monk" included a story I've told from time to time that I don't believe I will any longer be able to (perhaps no great loss):

A long time ago, my family was good friends with the family of a Senior Editor of Consumer Reports Magazine, Bob Klein, who went on to become the Senior Editor of Money Magazine. While our two families were on a joint vacation together in Welfleet (Cape Cod), one day I went with the Kleins on some deep sea fishing outing. I got sea sick and had to go into a cabin on the boat, however, they left my line in the water, and when I returned to it there was a nice sized sea bass on the end. On shore, Bob Klein was about to sell the fish to someone on shore who made an offer (this was before he was made Senior Editor of Money). I had to be extremely firm in my refusal to do so, insisting that it was my private property even though I had gotten sea sick and was in a cabin on the boat at the moment the sea bass was making his decision to eat from my fishing hook.

An incident on the November 6th "Monk" has a kid absolutely refusing to sell a fish he caught, as he is proud of it, which strikes Monk as a somewhat silly position. It's unfortunate in a way, as I thought of my sea bass story as containing a special meaning regarding the subject of private property, especially as Bob went on to become Mr. Money (a societal bastion of the concept of private property). Yet I am pleased to give this story away, if I have indeed correctly surmised some of the cause and effect of the matter.

Not A Category Of Their Own

I have a special story to tell in response to (or in honor of, or with relation to) today's announcement that the Oscars will be co-hosted by Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin.

Of those who know enough about me to be able to buy that what I am about to describe is true, some will nevertheless consider it silly of me to take the Oscars seriously enough to feel compelled to relate this. And there will be others who consider this story to be of a far more serious nature than it actually is. Therefore, I just want to first state that this is for the people who know precisely how much seriousness to attach to this. I cannot be bothered with people who are off, even by a little bit, on the how-much-seriousness-to-attach factor.

Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, in addition to being future Oscar co-hosts, were once in a "Saturday Night Live" sketch together, a sketch that never would have occurred if not for me. In a nutshell, I wrote to Paul McCartney (through an intermediary) on November 3, 2006 that, for a specific reason that I explained, it was important that Paul consider being in a comedy sketch based on my October 29, 2006 "Recipe For Fun".

As Paul McCartney is among those who know precisely how seriously I deserve to be taken, at least in certain matters, eight days later he made a surprise appearance on the November 11th "Saturday Night Live," in a sketch all about poison being in someone's drink. As everyone knows, poison in one's drink is nearly the same thing as a "recipe for fun" (though there are certain aspects of these two ideas that separate them). This was also the same sketch that Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin appeared in together, for Paul McCartney was not the only one making a surprise SNL appearance at that moment.

The following is a reprint of the November 3, 2006 email I wrote (sent precisely three years ago today) that made things happen (warning: this email may contain "too much information," as the expression goes):

Dear Paul,

While many do not know better, you don’t (not know better).
Therefore, you should be able to see from my “Recipe For Fun” video
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQSp44anrg4),which I sent to Sean
Daniel on Sunday, Oct. 29th, the day before the John Kerry “botched”
joke, that my specifically leaving out the Heinz, which I referred
to as a comedy ingredient, led Kerry to leave out the word “us” as
a comedy ingredient (“get us stuck in Iraq” vs. “get stuck in Iraq”).
Kerry is married to the Heinz Ketchup Woman, so you see my point. 
Furthermore, you certainly must know how everyone, including the
President (attached PDF a case in point), plays off of things I
originate, as do you.

I am writing in order to put this ball in your court.  Perhaps you
should make a little three-minute sequel to “Recipe For Fun”, just
to make John Kerry feel better.  This whole thing could result in
his deciding not to run for president in ’08, pretty historical.
Let’s not forget that he ran against Bush in ’04, and deserves some
kind of VIP treatment. Kerry said something wrong, so he probably
isn’t very happy with himself, and it looks as though this will be
a cloud over him that's here to stay.

Jonathan

I'll Buy That

Is there any better a time than now to tell the story of "Two Hours In The Life of George Washington"?

TWO HOURS IN THE LIFE OF GEORGE WASHINGTON
Back in 1979-1981, when I was living in Denver, a few years before I bought the book about George Washington at the used book/map store in NYC near to where I worked (see my October 31st blog), and about 15 years before the President Clinton/Monica Lewinsky sex scandal (a tale perhaps forever silenced from David Letterman's lips in light of his own "sex scandal"), I tried to make a strange little movie called, "Two Hours In The Life of George Washington".

The idea was, it would be a 45-minute, real-time movie, except for a missing hour and 15 minutes left to the imagination when George Washington goes to the barn for a secret sex rendezvous with a woman who wasn't Martha. The rest of the movie, George and Martha would be sitting next to each other on a cheap, ripped upholstery couch, Martha knitting in a manner that occasionally caused George to quickly duck his head away. One sensed unexpressed tension. Perhaps Martha was even angry about something. And so 45 minutes would pass. I was perhaps influenced in part by my knowledge of a Warhol film where one watches someone sleeping for hours in real-time.

I called up Carl Zucker, who once sat in a two-person office area with me, back when we worked for Lennon's friend and NYC tour guide, Howard Smith. Carl had been Woody Allen's locations manager on "Interiors". Carl said he liked my idea, and thought that a place he knew in Tennessee might be appropriate. A little bit later Woody Allen made "A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy," and based on the substantial degree to which I have been an influence on Woody Allen, I have to think his movie started with my movie. Or the movie I wanted to make, that is.

Digression
For a very long time Woody Allen's girlfriend was Mia Farrow, who lived in The Dakota in NYC, where John Lennon and Yoko Ono lived, a fact almost certainly of no relevance here. On the same day that Allen's public problems with Farrow first broke in the papers, I was sitting in my co-op living room talking with Allen's then-locations manager, Drew Dillard, who was considering it for Allen's next movie. Outside the window about a block away you could see a little restaurant called El Faro, and also the restaurant sign. You might want to zoom in. Or not. I mean, it was a reasonably nice restaurant sign. Dillard told me to expect to see Diane Keaton replacing Farrow. According to what I later read, even Keaton hadn't been told of this at that point in time. However, I digress. Let me travel back in time and label this paragraph accordingly.

Back To Our Story
For the George Washington part I called up Ken Hanson (Hansen?), with whom I also used to sit in a two-person office area, back when I worked for a company that distributed on the college circuit "Magical Mystery Tour," "The Beatles At Shea Stadium," and other movies. Ken's brother had been a good friend of Yoko Ono's before she met John Lennon, and according to Ken, John and Yoko once gave his brother a tape recorder and a camera. Ken had been the right hand of Peter Max, until someone spiked his drink with LSD and he didn't want to be around anymore, and so said goodbye to Peter Max. Ken went on to run a seven-story art gallery in the Wall Street area, where he displayed the original artwork that was used to advertise Ridley Scott's "Alien," as well as the original artwork that was used for the album covers of a group called, "Slave". Ken agreed to play George Washington.

I now needed to raise about $25,000. This was the part that had doomed the project from the start. I really didn't expect to get an actual backer. And I was right. Nevertheless, I called up Harley Lewin (see my blog of October 11, 2009), a big rock lawyer I had worked for. He sounded interested (not interested enough). However, he did stay in for five phone calls or so. I think he must have thought I might eventually get other backers involved as well. I called up Harley a few years ago and mentioned "Two Hours In The Life Of George Washington". I wasn't still trying to raise money, I was calling for some other reason. He still sounded interested in that movie.

And that was as far as it went.

Perhaps some day the world will truly be ready for a president with a sex scandal and Lewin and Hanson and Zucker and me and so on. Or maybe not. I was perhaps more happy than anyone when the day did finally come where you didn't need a lot to put together a movie.